Part 3 of the series brought to you by sexpert and sex fan, Topher. Topher will be sexually guiding you through the Coronavirus lockdown and will give you tips and advice on how to expend your sexual energy when you can't hook-up.

Part 2 | Pleasing yourself at home: www.gmfa.org.uk/sex-at-home-with-topher-the-coronavirus-diaries-2

Part 1 | Fight the urge: www.gmfa.org.uk/sex-at-home-with-topher-1


Positive Sexual Practices 

By Topher Taylor | @helloiamtopher

I’m going to need you to hear me out on this one, as you could quite easily write it off as condescending COVID-19 content or hippy nonsense. I want to discuss something that I find to be quite effective during lockdown and that’s POSITIVE SEXUAL PRACTICES. What does that mean? It’s basically doing the things that help you to feel sexy and nurture a positive relationship with your body sexually.

On the queer scene, we are so used to just jumping onto a dating app or going to a club when we want some sexual activity and this can lead us to believe that the only way to be truly sexually satisfied is to have oral, anal or masturbatory sex with someone or various people. You saucy lot! I’m not saying those things aren’t fun-hey definitely are-but there is no reason why you can’t try and use this lockdown/quarantine/isolation/social distancing– it has a lot of names doesn’t it- –time to get to know your body a bit better. Or possibly in a whole new way. 

So, what exactly are these practices?! Well, they vary. We all have different requirements, needs, erogenous zones, kinks, and fantasises. I will list a few below and see if you understand what I mean. I’ll start with the simpler, easily accessible ones and gradually get naughtier.

Shaving and/or growing hair. If you’re someone who likes to be smooth, who enjoys trimming your pubic, leg, armpit (etc, etc) hair. Keep this up if it makes you feel sexy. It’s always a nice surprise when you suddenly feel that smoothness. It is for me anyway. I am starting with this one because I do it and it makes me feel good-and I’m hard to please. The same goes with growing hair : if being super hairy makes you feel delicious, grow it! Shape it, oil it, and so on and so forth.

Pleasure sessions. Treat yourself to some dedicated pleasure time – but try and do it in a way so that it breaks up your day and feels different to the rest of your day at home. How? Try and make it feel different. Use mood lighting, music, temperature, and try and use different parts of your home/room where possible. This helps it feel like more of an experience (especially if you’re using a new sex toy). And this leads me to…

Film yourself. Why not film yourself playing so you can watch it back when you’re feeling horny next time? I know this might sound a little awkward to some of you reading this but it’s a great way to develop a positive relationship with your body and personality sexually.

Explore your boundaries. Have you always wanted to enjoy anal but just found it hurts every time and ‘isn’t for you?’. Now is a great time to dedicate some time to some gentle, gradual anal training. You can treat yourself to a good quality anal training butt plug kit for as little as £20. Try and go for one in a good-quality silicone as it’ll last you longer. The same goes for bottoms who want more confidence topping.

Address your sexual anxieties. I know this doesn’t sound ‘positive’ but it IS because you’re doing something as a treat to yourself. Do you struggle with staying hard during sex? Buy a masturbator and practice having sex with it. This is also a good way to train your dick if you experience delayed ejaculation (DE). Do you struggle with premature ejaculation? Try some delay sprays (and possibly Priligy where necessary) and practice with a masturbator, too.

Kink-o-clock. Been curious about electro-erotic-stimulation and been putting off buying an electro sex toy? Now’s the time, mate. They’ve become increasingly more affordable over the years but if you need help locating one, email or DM me. Might be able to sort you a discount too.

Exercise. No, I’m not going to preach about working out during quarantine (and if I get one more targeted Instagram advert – I will lose my mind) but this might be a good time to do something that makes you feel nice, stretched and flexible. Have you found that your legs hurt during riding or core muscles ache and it distracts you during sex (I’ve had this), why not spend a small amount of time working on them?

I think you may get the general gist of what I mean from the above but I’m always happy to discuss things with you if there’s something specific that you’d like to discuss. Shoot me an email at [email protected] and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

I’m wishing everyone the best at the minute. I know it’s getting harder and the reality that this is going to last a lot longer than we originally thought is kicking in. Try and avoid the temptation to meet people for a hookup not only for yourself – think of the people you are coming into contact with. If you have housemates or share with family members, it’s selfish to bring someone into your home.

I honestly think the best way to stop yourself when the temptation gets real is to either masturbate, or fuck yourself, or both? It’s up to you.

Take care and speak very soon,

Tx


If you want to hear more from Topher, tune into his podcast Sex with Topher where he’ll be taking sex as much as possible over the coming months.