Welcome to a new series brought to you by sexpert and sex fan, Topher. Topher will be sexually guiding you through the Coronavirus lockdown and will give you tips and advice on how to expend your sexual energy when you can't hook-up.

Fighting the urge

By Topher Taylor | @helloiamtopher

Recently, I almost slipped and I’m going to be very honest about it.

Someone that I know very well, see regularly, and is so impossibly attractive, reached out to me. We were talking about all the stuff that we used to get up to and my mind wandered. All sense of reason dissipated and I was genuinely considering cutting a hole into the back of my trousers and going to meet him somewhere. I even justified it in my mind by asking that he’d have to stay fully clothed, mask, gloves and condom. Maybe two condoms? Let’s make it extra safe. I think I knew deep down that I wouldn’t… but the truth is that I was close.

The point I am making is that the reality of how long we may need to socially distance is hitting home and irrational thoughts and/or behaviours will begin to bubble to the surface. It’s vital to remove your personal judgements against the messengers of social distancing practices and pay attention to the facts: human contact, spores and sharing surfaces is what’s spreading COVID-19. Please keep in mind that I am a sex-positive educator, writer and podcaster. It kills me to have to be telling people to not have sex – but we need to think of the bigger picture in this scenario. We are battling an invisible killer and it’s only sensible, if not moral, to follow the guidance of the NHS, the World Health Organisation, and even our government. And I hate rules. The quickest way to get back into having sex is to do everything we can, individually and collectively, to prevent the spread.

I’ll be giving some tips, from a hyper-sexual-sex-addict to you, on ways to cope with experiencing lockdown, social-distancing, quarantine and/or isolation. And let’s begin with Cam2Cam, which takes me back to the good-old-days of MSN, AIM and websites such as gaydar. Webcam sex doesn’t have to be boring, and I mean that, so here’s a few hints and tips to keep your blood pulsing during this time of dick discrepancies and astray arseholes

1) The first point is very important: TRUST. If you’re going to be getting naked on camera to someone, you don’t want to risk the chance of screenshots or screen record. One good way to avoid this, is to go to a regular fuck-buddy or even an ex that you’re on good terms with. If you’re ever unsure, either don’t do it OR make sure you’re your face is out of shot as well as assuring that distinguishing tattoos, marks and room decorations are disguised.

2) Use a NEW APP that you don’t currently use to speak to colleagues or family on. So perhaps instead of using Skype, Facetime or Zoom, use Houseparty (remember to lock the room) or a Snaphat video call. This way you can avoid any embarrassing accidents. Not only does this avoid the chances of embarrassment, it helps separate your sexual routine from your chatting routines, therefore helping keep it fresh.

3) Set a date and time. This way you can get yourself prepared and have something to look forward to after working from home or staring at the walls / Netflix bingeing.

4) Tart it up so it feels like a real ‘show’. Live the OnlyFans porn star dream by treating yourself to a ring light or playing with lighting and decorations in your bedroom. This helps make the whole ‘cam’ experience more of a rush. This leads me to…

5) Why not dress up and add accessories? Give them a ring wearing a t-shirt but underneath have your harness/lingerie/whatever it is that makes you feel sexy. Same goes for your trousers. Spice it up (insert Spice Girls reference) with toys and bondage gear… if you want to.

6) Give them a show. If your fuck buddy or online date likes your bum, why not use some anal toys on camera for them? Shake it for them? Gape it for them? Use this time to get some love for your body. We are sat at home with a LOT of time to think right now, so use these compliments as a positive-sexual-practise. You should be feeling sexy.

7) Play games. My fuck buddy decided that he was going to tell me what to do and that I was going to do it. And I did. And it gave me butterflies. Think of ways you can insert games into your cam2cam time – even if it’s sexual dares with rock-paper-scissors. Be inventive as it makes it more fun.

8) Bluetooth sex toys. There are ways to make cybersex extra-exciting. There are lots of Bluetooth controlled sex toys out there, and you can give your partner full-control, regardless of their location. Introducing LOVENSE (clicky) and WeConnect by WeVibe. You’re welcome.

9) If you can’t be arsed with the acrobatics. Which is fine by the way. Keep it simple and wank together. Why not tune into the same porn film and click play at the exact same time. Edge each other. See if you can get to minute 5/6/7/8/9/10 without cumming.

One of the great things about having cam partners is that you begin to build trust and it also builds tension. Therefore, when all of this is over with, you’ll be so much more curious about getting your lips around that dick you’ve seen on your phone screen and you’ll definitely appreciate it more. The sex is often more intimate, too.

I really hope that you can get some tips from the above and allow yourself the luxury of staying at home during these trying times. If you want to hear more from me, tune into my podcast Sex with Topher where I’ll be taking S E X as much as possible over the coming months – technology permitting.

Stay safe and stay indoors. Lots of luv.


Listen to Sex with Topher on Soundcloud: