By Arron J, 33 from Croydon

It’s 6am on a Friday morning. I wake up and turn on Grindr. I find someone, invite them over and shag them senseless. I kick them out. I get changed, go to the gym and after cruising many guys, I blow a guy off in the sauna. Proper horny fun. I go to work and spend most of my day flipping between emails and Grindr. I chat to a guy who lives above our offices. I arrange a lunchtime shag. It’s fun. I return to work and take a line of coke in the bathroom. I finish work and head to the public toilet beside the bus station where I wank a guy off under the stalls. I clean myself off and hop on the bus home. I spend the whole journey home chatting to lads on Grindr setting up potential future shags. I get home, have some food, take a couple of lines and head out to the local sex club where I get off my head on alcohol and drugs and fuck and suck my night away. I barely remember how I get home. It’s now Saturday and the process starts all over again. 

Hello, my name is Arron and I’m a sex-a-holic. 

I’ll be honest. I have no idea how I got to this point in my life. How has my life become all about finding where my next shag comes from? It didn’t used to be like this. I remember being a 21-year-old who would be embarrassed to use an app like Grindr. Now Grindr is my bible. What sort of person can have sex five times a day and be happy? Well, you’re right. I’m not happy. I’m not happy with the amount of sex I’m having. I want more and it’s destroying my life. I have no close friends any more because I blow them off so I can blow some random stranger in a park. My social life now consists of getting so off my face on coke that by the end of a night out I have no idea what I’m doing. And yet I want more. Always trying to get a better ‘fix’.

I was once told by a mate that I’m using sex to replace my loneliness. That the lonelier I become the more I need sex to fill that hole in my life. I dismissed this but I think he may have a point. Am I using sex to ‘connect’ with guys? Have I thought myself that the easiest way to get affection from men without having to put the work in is to go straight to sex? Sex does validate you in many ways and I do sometimes think I’m using it so I won’t be alone. 

In the last six months I have been diagnosed with gonorrhoea three times. I’ve been put on medication and told not to have sex for at least a week, but I can’t stop. One day I went into 56 Dean Street for treatment and five minutes after leaving I was arranging a shag for that evening. Do I think I’m doing any harm to anyone? I’m sure I’ve passed on STIs to several men. It doesn’t bother me that I have. They are grown men and they make a decision to have random sex, just like I do. So I don’t feel guilty. I’m currently HIV-negative but I feel it’s only a matter of time before that changes.

So why am I writing my story? Well, they say the first step to breaking a habit is to admit that you have one, and as I now have no close friends I decided to do this via words on a page. Sad but this is my life now. My craving for sex has pushed everything and everyone else out. 

I was asked by the editor to finish off my story with advice I’d have for anyone in a similar situation to myself. The fact is I can’t give anyone any advice as I’m at the beginning of trying to fix my life. My journey begins now. 

Is your sex life out of control? PACE runs a workshop for gay men who are unhappy about the amount of sex they are having. Visit

If you have a true life story you’d like to share with FS readers, then please get in contact. Email us at [email protected]

This article was taken from FS magazine issue 141.

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