Life Living with hiv HIV Stigma Disclosing your HIV status to a one night stand How do you disclose your status to a one night stand or hook-up? When do you bring it up and do you even need to? Who should you tell? “I have my status on my dating app profiles so guys know straight away before we start talking. This makes the disclosure easier. If this isn't for you, trust your judgement before telling a hook-up. Make sure you have the right information in case he has questions i.e. what does U=U means?” Marc, 48. Who you tell is genuinely up to you. You’re under no obligation to tell a one night stand or hook-up your status. If they ask, then be honest about your status. If they have a negative reaction, then take the time to educate them and perhaps count it as a blessing you didn’t sleep with them. The law states that if you're having protected sex then you don’t have to tell your sexual partner that you’re living with HIV. Protected sex can mean using condoms, being on effective treatment so your viral load is undetectable, or taking PrEP. If you have a detectable viral load, have sex without a condom and that person becomes HIV-positive, under the law you can be charged with reckless transmission. If you have a detectable viral load, disclosing your status before sex is advisable. What should you tell your one night stand? “You don't owe anyone anything. If you are undetectable, then do what's right by you: if you think you would feel guilty about not telling your one night stands, do it. But do it for you. I wouldn't normally offer my status unless asked or if I feel I can connect to that person more.” Ioan, 26. If you decide to disclose your status to your hook-up, keep it simple and direct. You don’t want to confuse them, particularly if their education on the subject is poor. Tell them in the simplest terms possible. Explain that if you are on effective treatment and have an undetectable viral load, they are in no danger of getting HIV. Remember, there is no way to judge how they will react. When should you tell your one night stand? “Be honest and upfront. If a guy turns you down because of it, that's solely due to his ignorance.” Dan, 44. Ideally, if you are going to tell them, then talk about it before the one night stand. If you are talking on a dating app, perhaps disclose there or mention it on your profile. If you have met them on a night out, maybe have the conversation in that bar or club. There’s no real right answer here – it’s when it feels right for you. Where should you tell your one night stand? “I've always tried to be honest about being HIV-undetectable, same with a one night stand, my advice would be to get it over with quickly. Least that way if they run for it you've got some time to find someone else!” Steve 34. As stated previously, if you are talking on a dating app, perhaps disclose through a conversation there. Or if you don’t want to have the same conversation with everybody, then perhaps mention it on your profile. If you have met them on a night out, maybe have the conversation in that bar or club. There’s no real right answer here – it’s when it feels right for you. Why are you telling your one night stand? “Be honest and upfront about it, worst case scenario is they won't want to hook up (in which case they're a douche). It's going to happen and it'll make you feel like shit, but remember it's not your fault and it doesn't change who you are as a person.” Paul, 28. Think about why you are telling them. Maybe it will help you relax and maybe you will enjoy the sex more because of that. Whatever your reason, make sure it’s right for you.